at this point i was settled in my new house, i was on maternity leave, with no intention of returning, and life was good. we had a good routine, and i was happy. i had been aware of support groups in my local area, but there was a difficulty accessing them when i was working, in the day, and child care in the evening. i heard of a meeting with Doncaster Autistic Society, one evening when George was around 6 weeks old, and stuart decided to baby sit while i attended the meeting. at the meeting, another parent, expressed an interest in setting up a pre-school group aimed at families with autistic children, as she, like myself had a young child, and found it difficult to attend meetings. i said i would like to help her in this quest, as i felt it was an area of need for me personally, and that is could assist in my chosen career, of psychology, which i was studying towards with the Open University.
unfortunately, before we could discuss this any further, my mobile rang, and it was Stuart need ing me to come home, as he couldnt cope with george, who was screaming in the background. i made my apologies, and left the meeting. upon my return home, i found george laid on my bed screaming, and sturat rocking at the top of the stairs with his head in his hands! i picked up George, and gave him a bottle, as he was hungrey, and all was silent! at this point, stuart said he would not feel comfortable looking after George on his own again, so this gave me all the more reason to set up what was to be Little Rainbows.
Tuesday 9 September 2008
why oh why??
im glad im getting close to my diagnosis, because i always wondered why i didnt find things easy. i dont mean school work, or not getting into trouble, that was all pretty easy and straight formward. what i really struggle with is just life! i remember when the kids were younger, and started school, it was hell getting up out of bed, getting the kids ready, making sure they had everything they needed, and getting there on time. in the early days, this didnt happen, and my eldest missed a lot of time from school, regularly didnt have the right pe kit, money, letters signed etc, and even missed photo day. i would look at the really common scruffy, pill head/heroin addict parents, who lived on the bad end of the council estate, (although it was all pretty bad), and just could not comprehend how these people managed to achieve what i could not. it started to become easier when i started work in the morning, and the children had to be at breakfast club, even thoough, they would arrive there too late fo a full breakfast, or with the wrong things, i would loose, or forget to respond to letters, forget dinner money, miss parents evenings, etc, all because i just could not for the life of me get organised. i desperately wanted to be the perfect mother that i had, but something was just stopping it happen, and i could figure out whuy everyone else could do it i and i couldnt.
the longer i worked, the better the routine got, so kids ended upiat school on time, usually with the correct equipment, but still forgot money, letters, etc. by the time i had moved to wheatley hills, and was pregnant with my youngest, i was managing to get the kids to school, everyday, on time, (more or less), still shocking with remembering things like dinner money, and responding to letters, etc, but as i was no longer working, i was in a position to go back to the school of neccessary.
i am the same in my daily life. i know what needs to be done. i have evey intention to be orgnaised and get things done correctly, and efficiently. the prolem is there just seems to be something blocking in my brain that lets it happen! i think this is the same block that means i have absolutely no sense of direction what so ever!
the longer i worked, the better the routine got, so kids ended upiat school on time, usually with the correct equipment, but still forgot money, letters, etc. by the time i had moved to wheatley hills, and was pregnant with my youngest, i was managing to get the kids to school, everyday, on time, (more or less), still shocking with remembering things like dinner money, and responding to letters, etc, but as i was no longer working, i was in a position to go back to the school of neccessary.
i am the same in my daily life. i know what needs to be done. i have evey intention to be orgnaised and get things done correctly, and efficiently. the prolem is there just seems to be something blocking in my brain that lets it happen! i think this is the same block that means i have absolutely no sense of direction what so ever!
Sunday 7 September 2008
and then there were 2!
so now its official, i have 2 autistic kids. not really having any other experience of autism or aspergers, i didnt really know how my kids were different to any others. my main experience of autism was via the media, and such films as "rainman", so i figured my kids werent really that badly affected.
due to the involvement of social services, due to the whole child proetecion register thing, we were refered to Doncaster Autistic Society, a local service for families affected by autism in Doncaster. they provided us with a family support worker, who was very nice annd friendly, but about as supportive as a hanky as a bra! this was through no fault of her own, her heart was definately in the right place, but we both knew all the theory, its putting it into pracice with a pair of nightmare children!
at this point my partner and i were both working full time, which left us no chance of accesing support groups,which were either during the day, or in the evening, when we couldnt get baby sitters. i was aware that trips were provided in the school holidays, by DAS, but i was nervous to go on these, as i believed my children werent really "autistic per sa. when i eventually decided to go on a trip, to the National Railway Museum in York, as soon as we got on the coach, i realised my kids were the worst there! the trip was such a disaster, that an hour in i had to call Stuart to drive to York from Doncaster to collect us, as there was no way i could manage both kids on my own. any subsequent trips we went on, we always made sure that DAS provided us with a care!
by now Cameron was in a major buggy, as he was pretty much uncontrolable, would rund into the road, escape, fight with connor, etc. not long after, i found out i was pregnant, which through a whole new spanner in the works!
due to the involvement of social services, due to the whole child proetecion register thing, we were refered to Doncaster Autistic Society, a local service for families affected by autism in Doncaster. they provided us with a family support worker, who was very nice annd friendly, but about as supportive as a hanky as a bra! this was through no fault of her own, her heart was definately in the right place, but we both knew all the theory, its putting it into pracice with a pair of nightmare children!
at this point my partner and i were both working full time, which left us no chance of accesing support groups,which were either during the day, or in the evening, when we couldnt get baby sitters. i was aware that trips were provided in the school holidays, by DAS, but i was nervous to go on these, as i believed my children werent really "autistic per sa. when i eventually decided to go on a trip, to the National Railway Museum in York, as soon as we got on the coach, i realised my kids were the worst there! the trip was such a disaster, that an hour in i had to call Stuart to drive to York from Doncaster to collect us, as there was no way i could manage both kids on my own. any subsequent trips we went on, we always made sure that DAS provided us with a care!
by now Cameron was in a major buggy, as he was pretty much uncontrolable, would rund into the road, escape, fight with connor, etc. not long after, i found out i was pregnant, which through a whole new spanner in the works!
Saturday 6 September 2008
so the Aspie stuff!
well lets start with diagnosed aspies!
my eldest son was diagnsed with aspergers syndrome when he was 4, in 2001. he since went on to be diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years later, then dyslexia, dyspraxia, and most recently he has growth development delay, caused by an innability of the pituitory gland to produce growth hormone.
he has a younger brother, 18 months younger, and when her was 3 attending private nursery, i started to notice the same incidents, such as...."can we have a word, mrs martin, cameron has been involved in xyz incident" that occured with connor the year before, that resulted in a private chat with the teacher, and her handing me a leaflet on aspergers.
at this point in my life i had a new boyfreind, who is now my husband, and had moved house. i raised the question with camerons nursery that i elieved he could be autistic, where i was told that he was most probably copying his older brother, as it was unlikely i would have 2 autistic children, and anyway, cameron made eye contact with the staff, so couldnt possib;y have autism. hmmm knew i was in for the long hall with this one, just didnt quite realise how long!
not long after this i turned up at nursery to collect my son after finishing work, and there waiting for me were 2 social workers, instructing me that there were concerns over camerons welfare, he was to be taken to hospital for an examination immediately, where his future would be decided. i turned up to hospital, where i was treated like, well a child abuser. i called my boyfriend who worked in Harrogate, over 60 miles away, to come and help me, as i was absolutely hysterical, on the verge of attacking doctorsa and social workers alike. the doctor who examined cameron stated that ther marks on camerons body, ( a slight bruise on his thigh, whos origin i could not explain) were consistant with systematic abuse opver al ong period of time. now i dont believe the doctor whas expecting me to challenge this statement, and neither were the social workers. i asked that how he could summise from that mark, that abuse had occured. he replied that physical abuse was when a child was marked at the hands of another, i questioned this as at this time smacking your child was not illegal in this country, and i did, and still do when neccessary smack my children. (whole new thread). he could not argue this fact, after questioning the social workers, who said that while smacking was not illegal it was looked upon disfavourably by DMBC. the doctors angle of attack was now that in order to leave a mark, excessive force must have been used, at which point the 2 social workers looked very pleased with themselves! again, response from mother wasnot expected. i asked him, as a doctor was he saying in his medical opinion that a bruise could only occur as a reslut of excessive force, to which her agreed. i than asked if i was right in my assumption that a bruise occured when someones cappilaries were damaged by a trauma. again he said that this was the case. at this point i asked if he could tel me if the point of damage varied between individuals, or if all capilaries could only stand a certain force. at this point her admitted that capillary strength was donw to individual dfference. i then asked if his previous statement, that no doubt would be presented to court, that the marks on camerons body were consitant with systematic abuse over a long period of time wer still correct, bareing in mind we have no way of knowing at this precise time the level of trauma that camerons capillaries could withstand. he admitted that it was not definate, but highly likely that camerons marks were caused by force, despite the fact that the health visito, who was not present, despite my requests, was fully aware of how easilycameron bruised. the social workers pointed out at this point that the nursery had reported that cameron was quiet and withdrawn, and did not like interacting with children or adults. i explianed my concern that i believed cameron to be autistic, to which the doctor, a paediatritican stated that it was impossible to have more than one autistic child ina familiy, and i couldnt use that as and excuse! by this point my partner had arrived from work, and we were told they were going to decide if cameron would be going into care or not. after much deliberation on their part, and hysterical wailing on mine, it was decided that the children could come home, on the understanding that stuart moved out, and we would cooperate fully with social services.
so the children were put on the child protection register, and stuart, as far as socail services were concerened had moved out! we had core group meetings and parenting classes, (all aimed a NT children), and i thought we were actually making progress with the charade, until one day i turn up to nurserry to collect cameron some 6 weeks later, to find the manager of the nursery in the hall with a group of parents, who at the top of her voice stated that they had had to call in social services again! thanks for that! this time, it was the soon to be infamous Frank Foster who decided that the friction burns on camerons back caused by bumping downstairs on his bum, were actually cigarette burns! aside from the fact that neither stuart or i smoked at that point, the worst was yet to come. cameron was brought into the room, bearing in mind he is only 3, and the following exchange occured between cameron and frank foster.
FF: "hi cameron, i see you have hurt your back"
CM "no"
FF "who hurt your back"
CM looks bemused
FF "did stuart hurt your back"
CM "no"
FF " its ok you can tell me that stuart hurt you"
CM "stuart hurt me"
now i agree at this point cameron had not been officially diagnosed as autistic, but it was in thew mix that neirotic mum kept banging on about the possibility, so the literal interprettation meant cameron was simply being compliant. aside from that, asking those questions in that was to any 3 year old was clearly wrong, but the nail was in the coffin. so off we trail back to hospital agin, to endure another interrogation and examination. fortunately stuart arrived prior to us being seen by the Doctor. when we went in the doctor looked at cameon who was snuggeled up in stuarts arms, and had a bemused look on his face. cameron was laid on the couch, and the docotr looked at the "evidence". at this point the doctor exclaimed that he was furious and called inthe social workers. he began to berrate them for waisting not only his time but mine and stuarts too, as this child was clearly not being abused, and was part of a happy healthy familiy. both stuart and i broke down in tears, that finally someone believed us. i think my sobs were more wracking then from the sheer releif than the hysterical wailing i had exhibited on the previous occasion.
when our assigned soical worker heard about the inciednt, she too was not happy, and immediately had camerons name put down for the child development clinc, which at this point was just a formality in diagnosing his autism.
my eldest son was diagnsed with aspergers syndrome when he was 4, in 2001. he since went on to be diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years later, then dyslexia, dyspraxia, and most recently he has growth development delay, caused by an innability of the pituitory gland to produce growth hormone.
he has a younger brother, 18 months younger, and when her was 3 attending private nursery, i started to notice the same incidents, such as...."can we have a word, mrs martin, cameron has been involved in xyz incident" that occured with connor the year before, that resulted in a private chat with the teacher, and her handing me a leaflet on aspergers.
at this point in my life i had a new boyfreind, who is now my husband, and had moved house. i raised the question with camerons nursery that i elieved he could be autistic, where i was told that he was most probably copying his older brother, as it was unlikely i would have 2 autistic children, and anyway, cameron made eye contact with the staff, so couldnt possib;y have autism. hmmm knew i was in for the long hall with this one, just didnt quite realise how long!
not long after this i turned up at nursery to collect my son after finishing work, and there waiting for me were 2 social workers, instructing me that there were concerns over camerons welfare, he was to be taken to hospital for an examination immediately, where his future would be decided. i turned up to hospital, where i was treated like, well a child abuser. i called my boyfriend who worked in Harrogate, over 60 miles away, to come and help me, as i was absolutely hysterical, on the verge of attacking doctorsa and social workers alike. the doctor who examined cameron stated that ther marks on camerons body, ( a slight bruise on his thigh, whos origin i could not explain) were consistant with systematic abuse opver al ong period of time. now i dont believe the doctor whas expecting me to challenge this statement, and neither were the social workers. i asked that how he could summise from that mark, that abuse had occured. he replied that physical abuse was when a child was marked at the hands of another, i questioned this as at this time smacking your child was not illegal in this country, and i did, and still do when neccessary smack my children. (whole new thread). he could not argue this fact, after questioning the social workers, who said that while smacking was not illegal it was looked upon disfavourably by DMBC. the doctors angle of attack was now that in order to leave a mark, excessive force must have been used, at which point the 2 social workers looked very pleased with themselves! again, response from mother wasnot expected. i asked him, as a doctor was he saying in his medical opinion that a bruise could only occur as a reslut of excessive force, to which her agreed. i than asked if i was right in my assumption that a bruise occured when someones cappilaries were damaged by a trauma. again he said that this was the case. at this point i asked if he could tel me if the point of damage varied between individuals, or if all capilaries could only stand a certain force. at this point her admitted that capillary strength was donw to individual dfference. i then asked if his previous statement, that no doubt would be presented to court, that the marks on camerons body were consitant with systematic abuse over a long period of time wer still correct, bareing in mind we have no way of knowing at this precise time the level of trauma that camerons capillaries could withstand. he admitted that it was not definate, but highly likely that camerons marks were caused by force, despite the fact that the health visito, who was not present, despite my requests, was fully aware of how easilycameron bruised. the social workers pointed out at this point that the nursery had reported that cameron was quiet and withdrawn, and did not like interacting with children or adults. i explianed my concern that i believed cameron to be autistic, to which the doctor, a paediatritican stated that it was impossible to have more than one autistic child ina familiy, and i couldnt use that as and excuse! by this point my partner had arrived from work, and we were told they were going to decide if cameron would be going into care or not. after much deliberation on their part, and hysterical wailing on mine, it was decided that the children could come home, on the understanding that stuart moved out, and we would cooperate fully with social services.
so the children were put on the child protection register, and stuart, as far as socail services were concerened had moved out! we had core group meetings and parenting classes, (all aimed a NT children), and i thought we were actually making progress with the charade, until one day i turn up to nurserry to collect cameron some 6 weeks later, to find the manager of the nursery in the hall with a group of parents, who at the top of her voice stated that they had had to call in social services again! thanks for that! this time, it was the soon to be infamous Frank Foster who decided that the friction burns on camerons back caused by bumping downstairs on his bum, were actually cigarette burns! aside from the fact that neither stuart or i smoked at that point, the worst was yet to come. cameron was brought into the room, bearing in mind he is only 3, and the following exchange occured between cameron and frank foster.
FF: "hi cameron, i see you have hurt your back"
CM "no"
FF "who hurt your back"
CM looks bemused
FF "did stuart hurt your back"
CM "no"
FF " its ok you can tell me that stuart hurt you"
CM "stuart hurt me"
now i agree at this point cameron had not been officially diagnosed as autistic, but it was in thew mix that neirotic mum kept banging on about the possibility, so the literal interprettation meant cameron was simply being compliant. aside from that, asking those questions in that was to any 3 year old was clearly wrong, but the nail was in the coffin. so off we trail back to hospital agin, to endure another interrogation and examination. fortunately stuart arrived prior to us being seen by the Doctor. when we went in the doctor looked at cameon who was snuggeled up in stuarts arms, and had a bemused look on his face. cameron was laid on the couch, and the docotr looked at the "evidence". at this point the doctor exclaimed that he was furious and called inthe social workers. he began to berrate them for waisting not only his time but mine and stuarts too, as this child was clearly not being abused, and was part of a happy healthy familiy. both stuart and i broke down in tears, that finally someone believed us. i think my sobs were more wracking then from the sheer releif than the hysterical wailing i had exhibited on the previous occasion.
when our assigned soical worker heard about the inciednt, she too was not happy, and immediately had camerons name put down for the child development clinc, which at this point was just a formality in diagnosing his autism.
in the beginning there was.....
Well im suposedly writing a book about my life with Autism and Aspergers, but it seems like too much like hard work for a woman who does everything on a whim, so i have now figured the best way to record my antics is through the very 21st centry blog!
i have so much to say, and no soap-box on which to vent, so this appears to be the perfect scenario, as there is a choice element involved that conversation tends to remove, an issue i cannot cope with.
why is it that someone may have something perfectly worthwhile to say, that you also wish to hear, but you have to spend so much time listening to procrastination, and "crucial" background information that before you have managed to gleem the information you initially lusted after, your only desire is to violently throttle the co-participant in said conversation. that i belive is the true benefit of "blogging". i can guarentee that now only the truely interested, insane or bored are still reading, so my purpose has been served... i am having a conversation completely on my terms, and no-one is getting offended! perfection!
i have so much to say, and no soap-box on which to vent, so this appears to be the perfect scenario, as there is a choice element involved that conversation tends to remove, an issue i cannot cope with.
why is it that someone may have something perfectly worthwhile to say, that you also wish to hear, but you have to spend so much time listening to procrastination, and "crucial" background information that before you have managed to gleem the information you initially lusted after, your only desire is to violently throttle the co-participant in said conversation. that i belive is the true benefit of "blogging". i can guarentee that now only the truely interested, insane or bored are still reading, so my purpose has been served... i am having a conversation completely on my terms, and no-one is getting offended! perfection!
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